Letters to Hannah, Nolan, Cora, Samuel, and Lillian

The following letters are a part of our Love Letter series. To learn more, click HERE. To read all the letters in this series, click HERE. 

Letters to Hannah and Nolan, from Melissa Kolenda

My Dearest Hannah and Nolan,

I can barely bring myself to write this, as it just makes the realization of you not here with me even more real. Yet, I find that the only thing that helps me deal with this grief is talking about you and to you. 

My first baby Hannah, you brought us so much joy with the big surprise that your daddy and I would be parents for the very first time. You captured my heart and my every thought as you grew inside of me. Although we never got to meet you, I feel blessed to have been able to carry you as long as I did and share that time with just you and I. As you know, you have 3 younger brothers...one of which is with you right now. The other 2 will learn about you and celebrate you just as your daddy and I do. We love you Hannah (Banana) Nielle Kaci Kolenda...forever and always.

My sweet sweet Nolan, so tiny and perfect. We loved every second we got to spend with you. We cherish every memento that we have and we hold on to your memory with such love. It is hard to believe that it has been 4 months already since I last held you. We speak of you everyday and imagine what a great addition you would be to this house full of boys. The pain of losing you was temporarily overshadowed by the beauty and awe that was before us, as I got to birth you and hold you. I am so blessed to have been able to spend those 5 amazing hours with you and that time will be engraved in my heart forever. We love you Nolan Gabriel Palmer Kolenda....forever and always.

We still hold in our hearts the excitement of expectant parents for the day when we will see you both on that Blessed Day in Glory. Until then, fly high my sweet angels..... 

Love always and forever.... to the moon and back,
Mommy and Daddy

Letter to Cora, from Jessica Shoopman

To my sweet Baby Cora,

Mommy prayed and waited for you for such a very long time. It felt surreal when I first saw your little heart beating away on the screen. I fell in love with you from the second I saw you. I was changed for the rest of forever by your sweet little soul. I wish I could hold you. My arms ache for you. I would give anything to bring you back so that Daddy and I could be with you again. Knowing that you're in Heaven, and knowing that you're loved even more than I could love you is the only thing that keeps me sane. I have an empty place in my heart that can never be filled. I look forward to the day that Daddy and I can be with you again. I love you so much.

Letter to Samuel, from MaryJo Carlson

To our most beautiful grandson Samuel Evan,

As each year passes we grow you in our minds. Oh how very special this year should have been with an almost 3 years old celebrating Valentine’s Day. We can just imagine all the preparations you and your mama would have done to make it a very special day. We can see you sitting at the table making homemade valentines and we know they would have included one for us. (Your mama is like that, she never misses a beat in making others feel special) We imagine you standing on a chair or step stool helping make those delicious heart shaped cookies that look as good as they taste. We can simply imagine your little face with red frosting all around your lips from the sneak tastes. We know you would have made a secret shopping trip with mama to buy daddy something special. And another shopping trip with daddy to buy mama something special. And while you were gone with daddy mama would be out buying you something special. We can just see your house all decked out for the day and looking quite magical. You know how we can imagine all of this Samuel because we know how very much your mama as she was growing up looked forward to having her own little one to celebrate with. She had lots of practice making holidays so very special and just perfect. 

We miss you so very much Samuel. Not just on holidays but each and every day. So in our missing you, we imagine you. We imagine the ‘what might have been’ and we imagine what you might be doing in heaven. We assume there doesn’t need to be a special holiday for Valentine’s Day in heaven because every day you are shown extravagant love and you give it right back. Yes, we are quite certain every day is a holiday in heaven.
Some days it is downright unbearable without you here and some days we tell ourselves you wouldn’t want to come back as it is just too unimaginably awesome living there. We will never quite understand why we didn’t get to keep you to love and to spoil and to celebrate this life with. And so instead of asking the whys anymore we say “let’s imagine Samuel again today”.

We love you with all our being precious little guy. We miss you with all our hearts. We can’t wait to come where you are so we can stop the imagining and start living each and every day with you.
Did you catch those kisses we blew to you again today? 

See you soon 

Loving you this and every day,
Grama and Grampa

Letter to Lillian, from Bethany Stewart

Dearest Lillian Ember,

From the moment I knew you were inside me I fell madly in love with you, each day I spent dreaming of all we would do together and all you would become. The moment I saw you inside my love grew deeper as if it was even possible but it was, mommy knew you were GIRL long before we found out, each day we made memories and celebrated life, I am so glad we got it that we were parents the second you came to be inside! When we found out you were our baby girl. Fell in love again. Then the fight for your life began- I never fought so hard for anyone like I did you. You are worth it. And I would do it all over again for you in a heartbeat, the day I birthed you and held you was the best day ever and yet it was our only one here on earth. I fell in love even harder and deeper with my little mighty yet tiny 1lb7.8oz princess!

Lily, I honor you for you made us a family. You gifted me the most precious gift ever. Motherhood. And I am so grateful for this. I want to say thank you for all you teach me about LOVE. The kind that transcends time and space. The kind even death can not separate. It is fierce and powerful, beautiful, brave and Pure. Just like you. 
You will always be loved and always be missed beyond words. 
You are our baby girl always and forever. 

I love you so much, all in the world!! Xoxoxo 
Daddy and Arrow do too !!