Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Here I Am: Grief and Mourning

by Heather Kimble

Here I am. I made it a year. 

I’m still broken inside. I’m still hurting. I’m still grieving.

There are good days and there are days I don’t even want to function. And you know what? That’s ok. I’m surviving without my daughter and that itself is an accomplishment. 

I haven’t let Hannah’s death control my every waking moment. However, it now is part of who I am.

If there is one thing I have learned over the first year of living without Hannah, it’s that I will not allow people to dictate how I grieve and mourn. I don’t care what others may think (which is completely not like me).

That’s what I want to share with you today: Don’t let others dictate how you grieve and mourn your baby(s).

It’s so important to do what heals you (The exceptions are turning to drugs and alcohol. Please don’t, they only numb the pain. The pain will always be there waiting for you in the end). There is absolutely NO time limit. This is something that will be with all of us for the rest of our lives. You may choose to keep it close to you, while another mom may choose to share her journey very publicly. Neither is wrong and there are many variations in between.

Just to give a brief definition, grief is the feeling of being said and mourning is expressing that sadness.

Feelings of Grief:

~ Anger
~ Denial and Isolation
~ Bargaining
~ Depression
~ Acceptance

Examples of Expressions of Grief (Mourning):

~ Celebrating your baby’s birthday (with a party, simply a cake, etc)

~ Honoring/Remembering your baby on their due date (balloon release, dinner with family, paying it forward, etc)

~ Raising money or collecting donations for a non-profit in memory of your baby

~ Creating a slideshow of your pregnancy and baby

~ Including your baby’s picture, blanket, stuffed animal, etc. in family pictures

~ Purchase a “coming home” outfit

~ Purchase "first" outfits and/or items (example: first 4th of July outfit, first pair of sunglasses, first Christmas dress, etc.)

~ Purchase the first 12 months stickers and first 12 months outfits (example: 1 month sticker with a pink onesie size 0-3 months, 3 month sticker with a flower onesie size 3-6 months, etc.)

~ Create artwork  that captures your feelings

There are many ways you can choose to express your grief. Please also know that it’s never too late to start mourning your baby. There is no set time frame to express your grief.

The way we each choose to mourn is a person decision and journey. What are some ways you have chosen to express your grief?

Love Always,

~ ~ ~

Heather Kimble lives in the Philadelphia area. She is married to her best friend, Jason and is mommy to Hannah Sue Kimble. Hannah is her only child. Heather carried Hannah after receiving a fatal diagnosis and was told to terminate. Heather was told to terminate based on the serious risk to her own personal health. She doesn't believe in termination and chose to carry Hannah with love. Hannah passed away and was born sleeping on December 23rd, 2013. Heather and Jason treasure every moment they had with Hannah during pregnancy and after delivery. Hannah has inspired a nonprofit started by her parents to help others and to help break the silence by sharing their journey of baby loss. Visit her blog, Hannah's Heart and Love, and follow her page on Facebook


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