Sunday, September 7, 2014

A Grandparent's Love is Forever

Written by MaryJo Carlson, Samuel's Gramma

In honor of National Grandparents’ Day I want to remember my grandson Samuel Evan Fredrickson.

My oh so extremely precious and beautiful Samuel,

I thought of you first thing today.  But that is nothing new.  I think of you every day and wish it were not true that this is the only way I can talk to you. My imagination has been working better-than-ever-before in these last two years.  I can imagine you coming to spend the day with me.  I can imagine you even getting to stay for a weekend while mama and daddy are away. I can imagine you running after your kitties and squealing all the way.  I can imagine you and daddy heading out to a ballgame; I bet you would even have matching shirts.  I can imagine you standing on a chair in the kitchen making special treats with mama.  I can imagine you all dressed up, looking dapper, heading out for a special evening as a family.  I can imagine you asking to ride on the tractor with grampa and begging for even more!

Oh the places that you and I can go in my imagination. Why can’t it be true that you are here with me?  I watch the little boy across the street out my window.  He is only days older than you.  I see all the fun he is having and I wish it were you.  Not only do I miss you so much each and every day having this reminder right in front of me is so heartbreaking.  But on the bright side it helps me to imagine you!  You would be getting so big though my memories of you are of a tiny sweet little boy with twinkling, dark brown eyes.  My life since you left us for heaven has been like living two lives at the same time – the one where I imagine you and the one I have to live that goes on without you here.  There is never a day that I am not reminded that you are missing.  This life is filled with babies and little boys and families and pregnant mamas and announcements of expectant parents and baby showers and holidays all with you missing.  So often my eyes are searching for what should have been in our family. Too many times I have to turn away for fear the tears will begin to fall all over again.  But that is nothing new.  The tears have fallen so many times that it is a part of who I am now.

As this country celebrates National Grandparents’ Day today, I will be imagining you, sweet Samuel Evan.  I will be remembering the joy of seeing you.  I will be cherishing the moments with you; remembering your soft skin in my hand, remembering how beautiful you were, remembering the excitement in my heart with the first glimpses of you, remembering those moments with your mama and daddy and you.  Samuel, you are worth remembering, worth all the tears, worth all the sleepless night of wishing our story of you turned out different, worth every thought of you.  You are worth waiting for the rest of my life to turn my imaginations into something real. You are worth every bit of it knowing when we are finally together again it will be for all eternity! 

I thought of you first thing this morning Samuel.  

But that is nothing new.  

I think of you each and every day because a grandparent’s love is forever. 

Hugs and kisses XOXOXO\

Love you, 
Gramma




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