Letters to Elly, Braxton, Leo, Lillian, Charlie, and Jonah

The following letters are a part of our Love Letter series. To learn more, click HERE. To read all the letters in this series, click HERE. 

Letter to Elly, from Kayla Schacht

My special Valentine, 
When I started writing my love letter to you, I decided to look up the meaning of love. This is what I found:

Love/noun. an intense feeling of deep affection

The love I have for you, sweet princess, is such a deep affection most can never understand. The love I feel for you is greater than any love I've felt. You have changed me in such a deep way that love will never have the same meaning. The dictionary definition doesn't do the love I have for you justice. 

I want you to know I will always love you completely. You're my guardian Angel and I am so blessed to by your mommy. 

Love, your biggest cheerleader :)


Letter to Braxton, from Farrin Barbato

I didn't get a chance to hold my grandson. I didn't even get a chance to meet him. He was born 20 weeks premature. My blessed grandson was with his mommy and daddy 6 very precious minutes. Braxton Allen has made a forever part of my heart be in heaven. I cry twice. Once for my sorrow and once for my daughters. Will always be proud that I have such a special grandson that has angel wings. Love you my sweet baby boy. Your grandma even though I did not meet you will miss you until meet again. I will come running to find you when I grow old and come to heaven. First I have to be here to await my grandchildren yet to come.

Letter to Leo from Lisa Swaim

Dear Leo Benjamin,

I have always loved you and I've known you through multiple lifetimes. When I saw your face, I knew you were mine and always would be with me. I miss you with a raw and fierce grief still. It has been 20 months since I held you. You were beautiful and warm, but already your soul had left us for a more peaceful place. Your big brother, Jacob, recently asked me what I would wish for, if I had one wish. I said I used to wish for world peace, but now I only wish for you. He said, "Me, too, mommy." We all love you and miss you so much. There is a vast empty space in our hearts, knowing that we have to live this life on earth without you. If there is a way to come back to us in this lifetime, we will hope for you to come. My soul will look for your soul, my son. I will always love you.

Letter to Lillian, from Sharla Collier

Dear Precious Lillian Ember,

We were so excited to hear about you and couldn't wait to meet you! You came into our lives sooner than we expected but you were only here a very short time. In the few hours we were with you, Lily, you became embedded in Gramma's heart forever.. I loved rocking you, singing to you, holding you and looking into your beautiful face. I am so honored to be your Gramma and have you for my granddaughter. I miss you every single day........ your life has changed so many people..... your Gramma included and you continue to change lives to this very day. I celebrate your short but epic life every day. I long to hold you, rock you, sing to you and see your beautiful face again......one day I will. Till that day know Gramma loves you beyond words.....now and for always! I love you, Lily!!

Love, Gramma
xoxoxo

Letter to Charlie, from Allyson Mendenhall

My dear Charlie-

One year ago...mommy not only was celebrating her birthday, but was also celebrating YOU being 3 weeks old!! Had I known how short your time would be - my sweet boy. 

I love you Charlie, and I miss you every second of the day. Thank you for being my boy, and thank you for loving us and giving us such happiness. Thank you for making your daddy so proud, and thank you for making Chloe a big sister. We all love you so much. 

I hope your first birthday in heaven was wonderful. We celebrated with you here...

Take care my little Charlie man. Mommy loves you. Always.

Letter to Jonah, from Daya Solomon

Over the weekend I visited the cemetery to bring my grandson a Valentine. I like to think that - when the overcast sky briefly cleared to reveal what looked to me like a heart shaped patch of blue sky - that it was Jonah, saying " Hi Grandma!".

~ ~ ~

There are more letters to come! If you would like to share a Love Letter to your baby, there's still time! Click HERE to learn how to participate.

Letters to Hannah, Gianna, Amalya, and Samuel

The following letters are a part of our Love Letter series. To learn more, click HERE. To read all the letters in this series, click HERE. 

Letter to Hannah, from Heather Kimble

Dear Hannah,

Words can't even begin to express how much I love you. You were such a blessing to me and you continue to be. I can't imagine never having you at all. I cherish the short time I had with you. I wouldn't trade you for the world. I wouldn't change my journey if it meant never having you at all. I'm honored to be your Mommy. 

You are beautiful and perfect in every way. So tiny, so small. You had your Daddy's and mine hair color and your lips were just like mine. 

You are loved and always will be. You only knew love on this earth. You were born into the arms of God knowing true unconditional love. I pray that He tells you about your Daddy and I. That He tells you how much we love and miss you. That he tells you that you will always be our sweet Baby Girl. 

Love You Forever. 

Love Always,

Mommy

Letter to Gianna, from Christine Russo

My dear Gianna bear,

Happy first Valentines day to mommy's sweet angel! I would love to wake you up on valentine's morning with a long cuddle and a hundred kisses for you my big 11 month old. You opened mommy and daddy's hearts more than either of us could have ever imagined and made us both want to be better people. You are such an incredible little girl who has changed our lives forever. I would carry and birth you a hundred times over my sweet angel. We love you more and more each passing day and we count the minutes till we can hold your sweet little body again and kiss those cheeks..love and miss you with all I have

Love, mommy

Letter to Amalya, from Bethany Conkel

Dear Amalya Nathaniel –

Although your time with us was short, and some may say it is not even worth counting, let me assure you my sweet boy, your impact is felt DAILY. You have touched the hearts and lives of many. Your existence has brought about change for future babies. You did so much in your short time her. I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am of you. But, sweetie, I also want you to know, I do not love you for the things you have accomplished or the lives have touched. I love you because you are MINE. You were gifted to me and I am so thankful. I love you for being you. I have loved you from the time I knew you were inside me and I will love you until I no longer have breath in me. You have changed me in so many ways and I am so very glad you were placed in my life. Although I wish we could have spent more time together, I am grateful for the time we had. It was more than enough to for you to be forever imprinted on my heart. You will forever be my little boy, my firstborn, my son, my world-changer.

With all my Love, Mommy

Letter to Samuel, from RaeAnne and Bryan Fredrickson

Dear Samuel, 

Our dear sweet boy, we miss you so much! You are our special little guy, and we think of you every day. Our lives are not complete without you here. We are so proud of you! From early on we knew you were a fighter, and you certainly showed us how strong you were. You were so brave! We'll never understand why you couldn't stay. 

We wish with all our wishes you could have stayed. 

We'll hold you tight in our hearts until we can hold you in our arms again.

We love you forever! We can't wait to give you thousands of loves and kisses!

Love, always,
Mama and Daddy

~ ~ ~

There are more letters to come! If you would like to share a Love Letter to your baby, there's still time! Click HERE to learn how to participate.

Letters to Sarah Beth, Kale, Miranda, and Maeve

The following letters are a part of our Love Letter series. To learn more, click HERE. To read all the letters in this series, click HERE. 

Letter to Sarah Beth, from Kendra Peterson

My Angel Sarah Beth  Not a day goes by that I don't think about you Peanut .You would be 8mths old, crawling no doubt  you were one determined little girl. Instead you are up there dancing with the angels *sigh* probably got some pretty good moves going on  I love and miss you so so much Peanut, we all do.. Sarah Beth you are always on my mind and will forever be in my heart. Love you always and forever. Love, Mommy

Letter to Kale and Miranda, from Krystal Bockholt

My dear Kale,

Your second Valentine’s day in Heaven sweet boy. How I wish it could be here with us instead. Your daddy and I miss you so much. Your sister and brother miss you. Sometimes, I can imagine how it would be around here if you and your little sister Miranda were with us. I bet your big brother would be annoyed with you following him around all the time, and your big sister would dote on you like crazy. Until you touched something of her’s. And you’d probably chase our Indy puppy around the house. I wonder every day what you’d be like if you were here Kale. I think of you every day. And this year, on Valentine’s day, I want you know how deeply rooted my love for you goes. We may be separated right now, but you are my son. You will always be my son, and always be an important part of our family. 

I love you Kale, happy Valentine’s day.

Dear sweet Miranda,

Not a day goes by that you are not on my mind. It’s almost been a month since we held your little body in our arms. I remember thinking how perfect you are. The most perfect little girl. Oh, I wish you were here. I wish I had the sleepless nights right now, getting up every few hours to rock you and feed you. I wish you were falling asleep in my arms every night. Your big brother and sister talk about you a lot. They pray for you. They laugh picturing you and your big brother Kale running around in Heaven together. 
Sweet baby girl, I wish you were here. I wish, on your first Valentine’s day that I could cover your with kisses. Instead, just know how strong my love for you is. Your daddy and I know what a strong girl you are, and we love you more than we can express. You are our sweet daughter, and have a very special place in our hearts, and in our family. 

Happy Valentine’s day Miranda, I love you 

Letter to Maeve, from Jess McCormack

To my Maeve,
How do I find the words to tell you how much I love you? Any words I try just aren't special enough, colourful enough, beautiful enough for you. I close my eyes and take a deep breath and I am filled with such a longing for you. Oh how I wish I could hold you in my arms and kiss your soft cheeks! I would whisper "I love you, I love you" over and over. I would gently tickle you to make you giggle and helplessly giggle with you, delighting in your smile, the happiness in your eyes. I would tell you again, "I love you, I love you". I would stroke your silky hair and hold your chubby little hands. I would pretend to nibble your toes. And I would tell you again "I love you, I love you". And as you inevitably wriggled free from my grasp, I would let you go. And as you dashed away onto your next adventure, I would whisper "I love you, I love you". And as you looked back over your shoulder, and gave me a cheeky wave, I would say it louder, "I love you, I love you", so that you could take my love with you, every step of your way. But your image fades and I remember you're gone and the wave of pain engulfs me. If only you could hear me, Maeve. I love you, I love you. So very much. And I always will x

~ ~ ~

There are more letters to come! If you would like to share a Love Letter to your baby, there's still time! Click HERE to learn how to participate. 

Letters to Ivanka, Lilly, and Braxton

The following letters are a part of our Love Letter series. To learn more, click HERE. To read all the letters in this series, click HERE. 

Letter to Ivanka Rose, from Tatjana Caruso

To my daughter Ivanka Rose,

Words can't express how much we miss your little face and button nose. It's been less than 3 months but feels like a lifetime ago since we last held you. I still ask myself why things had to be this way, but I know God had bigger plans for you. I hope you know how much joy you have brought into our lives, from the moment we found out I was pregnant with you we were ecstatic, the whole family was so eager to meet you. The 8 1/2 months I carried you will forever be etched in my heart, who knew that would be all the time we got together in this lifetime? Those months were some of the happiest months of my life, and even though they ended in the greatest heartbreak, I would gladly do them all over again just to have the chance to feel you kick one last time. I wish I could've heard you cry or have been able to look into your eyes, I think back often to the few precious hours we got to hold you and regret not holding you longer, but your daddy reminds me often that no amount of time would've been sufficient and I wholeheartedly agree. Once we are together again in heaven I know I will never have to let go again. I hope grandma Rose and Uncle Calogero are taking good care of you and telling you all about your daddy and me, I also hope Elvis is singing you lullabies. 

Thank you for showing me and your daddy what it means to love unconditionally. We want you to know that we love you beyond words, you will always hold a very special place in our hearts and you will never be forgotten my love.

We love you to the moon and back!

Always & Forever,
Your Mommy and Daddy

~ ~ ~

Letter to Lilly, from Lela Sharp

Lilly Delora Brinson,

Mommy and Daddy love you so much and we miss you every day. You were a blessing in our lives even though you weren't with us long. We can't wait to see you and hold you when we meet in Heaven... until then, we're holding you in our hearts.

So much love,
Mommy and Daddy

~ ~ ~

Letter to Braxton, from Danielle AraneoBraxton Allen, 

Hello my beautiful son. I think about you every day. Daddy and I talk about you all the time. We even blow you kisses all the time right where we have your memorial set up in our room. I can't believe this February will be one month since you came and went. You've touched so many lives with how much love you've shown us. I can't help but look at daddy and smile all the time, you look just like your daddy, including that beautiful smile. 

We continue to keep you alive throughout our lives, and of course you've always in our hearts. 

I hope you also got the balloons we sent you to heaven. I know you had them coming to you from all over. Grandma and grandpa are so proud of you, just like us. I don't think we could of ever asked for more from you. Heaven in so far away but I know you're in good hands. I hope you hearing good things about us. I'm sure you've heard some stories about daddy mommy hasn't even heard from uncle Matt. I also wanted to let you know I always get the subtle ways of making sure I know you are with me, and I want you to know I'm so thankful for that. 

I love you Braxton, I've learned so much from you. I never ever imagined I'd be a mother, and here you came into my life, a little miracle. You give me so much strength in everyting I do. It's because of you I've become the person I am. I'm not the same person I was before. I have so much love in my heart and soul. I have so much passion for life and everything has changed. I wish you were here, but I've accepted you had to go to heaven. The amount of love you've spread across our family and friends has made me realize what it truly important. I just want you to know how much I love you, and how much I miss you. You'll be in my heart forever. There will never be a day I stop thinking about you.

I love you, sending all the kisses in the world to you my beautiful baby braxton. 

Love for eternity, I can't wait to see you again. And next time I do I'm going to hold you and never let you go.Your mommy always

~ ~ ~

There are more letters to come! If you would like to share a Love Letter to your baby, there's still time! Click HERE to learn how to participate. 

Letters to Sadie, Rowan, Aron, and Tono

The following letters are a part of our Love Letter series. To learn more, click HERE. To read all the letters in this series, click HERE.

Letter to Sadie, from Sarah Halsey

My sweet baby Sadie, oh how I stare at your picture all day sometimes. I know your safe and happy. And I can't wait to see you again. I love you.

Letter to Rowan, from Sarah Halsey

Dear baby Rowan, (little acorn). I've gotten to know your mommy because my baby, Sadie, went to heaven too. Your mommy is so wonderful as you know. Full of love, light and kindness. She loves you so much.

~ ~ ~

Letter to Aron, from Becca JevonsTo Aron, 

I miss you. The dull ache of missing you is constant. Time has sanded down the sharp edges of pain, but the dull ache remains.

There is guilt in laughter and sadness in celebration for the simple fact that you are not here and we wish you were. Nothing will ever be complete because you are missing.

Beautiful boy, don't ever doubt how much you are loved and missed. Don't look upon the facade of family life and think that we have moved on.

I long for you, I love you, I miss you. None of that will ever change.

Mama xx

~ ~ ~

Letter to Tono, from Maygan Figueroa

My little Tono,
There is so much I want to say to you,  I never dreamed I would be doing it like this. I thought you would have a lifetime with us.

I loved you the second I found out you were coming. I was so excited that Kaylie was going to have a little brother and Ariel was going to have a son. I hoped you would look just like your Papa.

We prayed for you continually, and I prayed we would get to meet you, even if it was only minutes.  You surprised everyone including doctors by being born at 37 weeks and weighing almost 6 pounds. God was so generous and let us hold you for 24 hours when we were told we probably wouldn’t hear you breathe or cry.  You were beautiful with your olive skin, dark eyes and a head full of hair. You had 10 fingers and toes, huge feet that looked just like Papas. God answered my prayers by you being born alive and he answered Ariels by you opening your eyes. 

I love you so much I think of you constantly.  I will never forget your sweet face that I am sure smiled at me. I will always be your Mama, and I will carry you in my heart until I see you again with Jesus. 

~ ~ ~

There are more letters to come! If you would like to share a Love Letter to your baby, there's still time! Click HERE to learn how to participate. 

How is He Supposed to Love Her?

by Kayla Schacht
 
When a couple loses their child, they both change. They become people they themselves don't recognize. The grief can consume you. Looking at your partner can make you mad, angry or even sick. Mad for all the things that was taken from you both. Angry that the person you once knew inside and out is no longer the same. Sick that your partner looks so much like the child you no longer have.
 
Grief can do two things, destroy or strengthen your relationship.
 
In my case, it complete demolished my marriage.
 
Three months after my Elly gained her wings, my husband left me and our 4 living children. I was sitting in complete despair, not knowing how I could lose my princess, and then lost the only other person I thought who could love our Elly Jae. How could I expect another man to love my baby, someone he would never meet, someone he would never hold, someone he would only see in pictures? And the bigger fear that was nagging me, is that even fair to expect him to?
 
Was it fair to the person I might love in the future that I was broken in a way most will never be? Was it fair that even if I didn't mean to I would put this huge weight upon his shoulders? Was it fair that if we had future children I could never fully enjoy our pregnancy because I knew what is possible? But the most important, was it fair that I would want him to love her?
 
I cried myself to sleep many night as it seemed I've lost so much.
 
I finally opened up to another angel mommy about my greatest fear: How is "he" supposed to love her?
 
This person is wise beyond her years. She told me that I wasn't being unfair or selfish. T hat one day I would meet someone who not loved just me and my living girls, but the little girl I carried in my heart as well.
 
He would love her in a way only he could understand. He would love her because he loved me. He would love her for who she has made me. He would love her memory.
 
He would cry for what he is missing out on. He would listen to every single memory I have of her. He would see her in me, in all the small things around him. But greatest of all, h e would help me keep her memory alive.
 
I talked to Elly about these fears, and  I asked her to lead the man that would love her in that special way into my life, to watch over him until the day she could watch over us both together.
 
I never expected it to happen so soon.
 
But like I've learned Elly has her own plans and likes to have things happen at her pace.
 
As I sit here and write this, t his amazing, special person sits beside me.  He is my strength on hard days, and he never forgets to include Elly in our child count. He encourages me to remember her. He doesn't make me feel awful when I miss her so much I just break. He sees her in small things, he sees her in me, and he sees who she has made me.

When her "special" days come around or I have to do something that he knows is going to be hard for me, he gladly takes the weight upon himself and holds my hand. He is my strength through those hard times.

He loves me. He loves my beautiful earth children.

But the greatest of all...HE LOVES HER!!!

 

Sending Elly a balloon as a new family.

  ~ ~ ~

 

Kayla Schacht is a writer from Utah. Her youngest princess lives in the clouds after living for 48 minutes after birth, all which were in her daddy's arms. Elly Jae was diagnosed with a fatal birth defect at 13 weeks gestation. She spent 31 weeks and 5 days safely in her Mommy's womb where she was cherished every second. Elly Jae has changed not only her parents and sisters lives but lives of complete strangers. Find them on Facebook, at Prayers for Little Elly Jae.



My Sister Got it Right: Thoughts on "Happy Birthday"

guest post by MaryJo Carlson (grandmother to Samuel)

~ ~ ~

Today is my daughter's birthday.

My daughter whose baby died. 

She carried him with all her love while he was here. 

Words have become so very much more important since our Samuel left this earth. With each passing day I have learned that lesson more and more. 

Have you thought about it? 

Think of all the holidays and events that we recognize as a people - they start with joy filled words like Merry and Happy. Those words now sting, especially for her. Her heart is still not to a place where it is merry or happy about a holiday or a special event. It just doesn't have the same meaning it did before he died. 

Samuel is always missing from those events. 

He should have been big enough now that he would be the one saying with a great big grin - and I'm certain some jumping up and down -  "Happy Birthday mama!" I can almost imagine that he and daddy would have gone secretly shopping for a special gift that would melt my daughter's heart (my son-in-law is really good at that). And then Samuel would have held behind his back his special treasure bursting with pride and uncontrollable excitement. 

The day should have been filled with squeals and laughter and hugs and kisses. But it's not. Because someone is missing along with a big piece of her heart. 

Today I've seen people saying "Happy Birthday" to my daughter on Facebook. I read the though comments and thought of how Samuel is missing and how "happy" doesn't seem right. (Although I know that "Happy Birthday" is simply our way of acknowledging the special day and by no means a hurtful thing to say!)

Then I came to me sister's comment. She got it right with her words. She said "Thinking of you on this special day, with love". Not happy birthday, hope you have an amazing day! For now those words still sting. Maybe they always will and that's ok because she really, really wanted Samuel to stay.

Now that I know the ache of missing my grandson, and watching my daughter live without him, I've learned to choose my words with extra love and care. 

You know why my sister got it right? Because she knows - a part of her heart is missing too - her daughter Kalyn died. She knows how the days that should have been Happy and Merry are now forever changed. 

So, today, on yet another day that's not how it's supposed to be for my daughter, her husband, and us, I say to her, not "I hope it's the best day ever!" because that's not possible, but instead, "I love you, I celebrate you, and I miss your beautiful boy with you today". I can say "Happy Birthday" too, and know that she knows exactly what I mean. 

~ ~ ~

MaryJo Carlson and her husband David have five children. Their oldest daughter is RaeAnne Fredrickson who started All That Love Can Do in memory of her beautiful son Samuel Evan. MaryJo is a stay at home mom and grandma who now spends her time finding ways to bring light and encouragement to others who have had to say goodbye to their precious grandbabies way too soon.