Monday, September 24, 2012

"All that love could do was done"

I'll never forget the day we head the news: our unborn son was going to die. There is nothing on earth that can prepare you for that news. It's absolutely earth-shattering. All your hopes and dreams for your life and family are gone in the moment the words leave the doctor's lips. Shock overwhelms you and you don't know what to do. Sadly, and most likely, they will offer you the option to terminate the pregnancy. If you're here, it's because you made the loving and courageous choice to continue the pregnancy and give your baby all the love you can during his or her life.

Firstly, I'm so very sorry you even have to face this. No one should ever have to face this. My heart is with you. Secondly, know that I've been in that very same position. Our son, Samuel Evan, was diagnosed with a fatal condition called PUV at 15 weeks gestation. Our hearts were so broken. We loved and wanted him dearly. I know what it feels like. Somehow you make it through that appointment. Somehow you call loved ones to give them the horrible news. Somehow you keep going.

(If you would like to read our story, please go to Nothing Without You).

Some of the biggest questions that come after such a terrible diagnosis are: Why? Why us? Why now? What did we do/not do? What can we do to stop it/change the outcome?

There are going to be a lot of people who want to answer those questions for you. The truth is this: there may not be a reason at all. Believe me when I tell you, that is really, really hard to handle. If you're like me, you will roll those questions over and over in your mind until you feel like you're going to lose your mind. Try not to let them control your life.

The title of this blog came from a card we received just after Samuel died. It reads:
Why? That's what we ask. The truth is, we may never be able to know for sure why. But we do know that there is no single "should have done" or "could have done" or "did" or "didn't do" that would have changed that why. All that love could do was done.

This is my hope for you. In the midst of all the pain and suffering that this journey will bring, you can look back on the time you had with your baby(ies) and say, "I did all I could". For me, this is about the only comfort I can take. I know for us, all our love could do was done.

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