Tuesday, May 19, 2015

I Didn't Know

by Bethany Conkel

I didn’t know he would steal my heart.

I didn’t know my arms would never be the same after holding him.

I didn’t know that his image would be imprinted in my mind forever.

I didn’t know that a hint of his fragrance would bring me right back to that moment when they placed him on my chest.

I didn’t know that so many things would make me think of him.

I didn’t know I would miss him so much after having such a short time with him.

I didn’t know that he would make me more compassionate and loving.

I didn’t know that he would allow me to love his father even more.

I didn’t know he would make me a better mother.

I didn’t know he would change the way I viewed the loss of a loved one.

I didn’t know that he would inspire me to help others walking this road.

I didn’t know he would allow me to have deeper friendships.

I didn’t know he would teach me to not take things for granted.

I didn’t know his existence would encourage me to become educated on topics I didn’t even know existed before he came along.



I didn’t know he would be loved by so many people.

I didn’t know that he would give me something to rejoice over and be thankful for.

I didn’t know that he would teach me how joy can permeate sorrow.

I didn’t know he would be worth every moment of pain and heartache.

I didn’t know I could (or would) love him so deeply.

I didn’t know my life would be forever changed.

I just didn’t know…

I was asked why I didn’t end my pregnancy if I already KNEW what would happen…

The fact is I DIDN’T KNOW. And, if I had ended my pregnancy because of what I thought I KNEW, I would have never truly KNOWN


~ ~ ~


Bethany Conkel lives in Ohio and is married to her wonderful husband, Eric. She is the mommy to two amazing children – one who is in heaven, the other here on earth. Bethany carried her precious son, Amalya Nathaniel (meaning: “work of the Lord”, “given by God”) to term after receiving the diagnosis of anencephaly when she was 11 weeks pregnant. Amalya lived for 1 hour and 20 minutes before taking hold of the Lord’s hand. After he passed, his liver, pancreas, and whole body were donated to scientific research. Bethany has since created a website about neonatal organ, tissue, and whole body donation called Purposeful Gift to help other families explore the option of donation. She is also a certified Birth and Bereavement Doula through Stillbirthday.com and serves with Sufficient Grace Ministries.

3 comments:

Naomi said...

Beautiful truth!

Maria said...

Powerful! God's ways are amazing.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)

luvcavaliers said...

Such precious words that will be used for God's glory to help others! Be blessed! 💙

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