Love Letters: Gloria, Janessa, Hope, and Jason

Letter to Gloria, by Lisa VanSkike

 

Dear Gloria,

It has been almost six months since we said goodbye to you. Six months of learning how to keep going without you. Six months of heartbreak. I have thought of you each day for six months and wondered what we would be doing together if you had lived. 

We would be making something for your daddy's birthday this week. I would be bundling you up snuggly warm and taking you to visit friends and family. Your blonde hair would be so long by now that I could probably style it. Lemon and Story would be your buddies and they would be all over you, licking your face, playing with you on the floor, and watching over you protectively.
You would be six months old, Gloria. Giggly, happy, rosy cheeked, and I'm sure a handful.

I'm writing this letter to you for Valentine's Day. The day we celebrate love of all kinds. I will always remember the first time we heard your heartbeat was on Valentine's Day last year. Hearing your heart was the best gift I've ever received. It was so strong, so loud, and so clear. The midwife took one look at the number on the screen and exclaimed her guess, "its a girl!" I smiled and said I hoped so.

Life is hard without you. There is no way around that. I miss you more than I can express. I wish I could just hold and kiss you one more time. Its been six months without you and that hurts right now but I know in the long run I'm really just six months closer to being reunited with you for eternity.

Some days I can find beauty in this new world, this world without you. Being the mother of an angel has some beautiful moments. I have the closest connection to heaven that is possible simply because you are there. I see the signs you send me. The butterflies, the rainbows, the shooting stars, the dreams, the little love notes and I know you are where you are supposed to be. Some days though, it is pure hell. I would never choose this for us. I want you back. Why did this have to happen to my perfect baby?

 Most days I experience both the beauty and the pain of being your mother. The two of us have the ultimate love story in some ways, don't we? Our love is eternal and it stretches across the realms. The purest, deepest kind of love separated by the thinnest of veils, the veil between heaven and earth. I can receive signs through the veil, sometimes even feel you, if I look hard enough I can see you, but I can't be with you.
In six months things have changed. It is hard watching people go on with their lives. How can they when a person so beautiful is gone? But they do and your dad and I have to keep going too. We want to keep going so that we can spread your love and light. We have so many special ideas coming up for things to do to remember you, Gloria. They will be how you live on earth and how everyone will know how much we love you still. We hope they will make you proud of us.
We are still searching for answers and asking questions about why you were so sick. We've learned you were sicker than anybody had even guessed and yet you did so much better than they predicted. Because of that Gloria, doctors all over the country are helping us, doctors all over the United States are learning about you and I think that is amazing. I am always in awe of you and always so proud of you.

While we are looking for answers you are celebrating in heaven. You have all the answers to everything in creation and I find comfort in that. I think you might have been born with all the answers though when I think about how calm, brave, and strong your spirit felt.
In six more months I don't know what will be happening. One of the biggest lessons that loosing you has taught me is that you can't plan life. Life just happens. I do know though that I will still be missing your sweet face and missing your presence in our lives. I do hope that I will be able to tell you that I found more of your gifts, your signs, our love notes. In six months I will be another six months closer to being with you again. I love you so much Gloria Grace and until that day comes I will do my best for you and for our love. My heart will keep beating for you.

 

love,
your mommy

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Letter to Janessa, Hope and Jason, by Shauna Cox

 

Dear Janessa, Hope, and Jason, 

You took a piece of my heart with you and all three of you will always be in my heart so we all have a piece of each other. I miss all of you so much!! I can't wait until we get to see each other again. You are Loved 4 Ever!! Happy Valentines Day my little Angels. :`) <3 <3 <3

Love, Mommy