12 Days of Christmas: Day Eight

Note from All That Love Can Do:
Before we get started with today's post, we have some news to share with you regarding today's guest author. Monica and her husband welcomed their beautiful little Rainbow baby, Isaias Hei Shun Tam, into the world yesterday morning (December 7th, 2013). Early in pregnancy, he was diagnosed with a fatal condition and they lovingly chose to carry him for as long as possible. They have been such amazing parents to him as they've carried him. They were able to spend 43 minutes after his birth to make very precious memories with him before he died. He is joining his siblings Theo and Acacius in heaven. Our love and prayers go out to them during this very hard time. We are proud to know such a beautiful and loving family and are brokenhearted for their losses. 

 ~In Loving Memory~

Isaias Hei Shun Tam
December 7th, 2013 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Written by Monica Tam

I'm Monica, a Chinese Canadian from Vancouver, Canada. I'm a mama of two angels, Theo at 6 weeks and Acacius at 20 weeks. I rarely mention of Theo because I loss him/her way too early. I haven't even started establishing the bonding with baby and Theo was gone already. Acacius on the other hand was our first planned pregnancy with much anticipation. Everything was fine until the 19-week detailed ultrasound. He was born sleeping in my womb on November 23, 2011, due to multiple severe deformities. I'm now carrying my rainbow who is due early February 2014. My unborn baby "Beanie" is unfortunately diagnosed with bilateral renal agenesis, and we were told this is 100% fatal. Unless miracle happens, I will be gaining my third angel baby in a couple months.

All the first holidays are so incredibly difficult, please listen to what your heart and body need and be extra gentle with yourself. Given that my Acacius passed away at the end of November, my grief was still very raw when Christmas came around the corner. I recalled avoiding shopping malls and kid-friendly places at all costs, because pregnant women and babies were literally everywhere!

Also please do not feel obligated to attend parties and gatherings, as putting up a brave face in front of family and friends is the last thing you need to do at this moment. Tell them honestly that you just need some time for yourself, and you will join them again whenever you are ready. If you feel like staying at home and crying your heart out, drinking hot cocoa and watching mindless TV shows during the entire holiday, let yourself do that. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable -- your mind, body, and soul need a lot of rest and pampering.

Last year, my second Christmas without Acacius was still emotional, but instead of hiding in my hole, I had the yearning to make some crafts in memory of my baby. I made an ornament wreath and put pretty candles inside the circle to represent us as a complete family.

I also invited other friends and bereaved parents to write Acacius' name in whatever creative ways they like, indicate the city and country they are from, take a picture and send it to me. After collating these beautiful unique images in an album, it really seems like Acacius is travelling the world and having a fantastic time.

More importantly, I feel comforted to know others are remembering my baby with me, mentioning of his name and not being forgotten.