Wednesday, June 24, 2015

I Feel You Baby Girl

There are days that go by and they are like any other day. Busy, hectic days that seemingly fly by one by one. There's always so much to get done and not enough time to do it!
But then there are those days. Those days when time slows down and I'm stopped in my tracks with a sign from you. When I'm looking out my back window and a big, beautiful butterfly fly's right across. I freeze and stare at you. Inevitably, a smile slowly creeps upon my face and I can't help but stop everything I'm doing and acknowledge your presence.

I'll be out. Could be the grocery store, the mall, the gas station, and see that little 1 year old girl with dark hair and big brown Bambi eyes and I know.
Even just sitting in our house and feeling this urge to hold your teddy urn that seemingly comes out of no where. I just NEED you in my arms. I smile. I smile because I know you are here with me.
When I see your brother looking into space and suddenly a huge smile sweeps across his tiny, innocent face. I know. He knows.
Sometimes days go by and I long for it. I long for that little sign of your big beautiful presence. I miss you terribly on those days, even though I know you're always there, I'm selfish and I need those signs from you. Until we are together again, those are the signs I will wait daily for.
The fact that our tiny babies can have such a large presence is astounding to me. They demand to be acknowledged and force us to feel our emotions. It's happiness and sadness, confusion, doubt, and sometimes anger. They help us feel again when numbness might be all that's there right after they go.
You will see your baby on earth again mama. You'll see her in the beautiful dance of a butterfly. You'll feel him grasp your hand when you least expect it. You will hold your baby on earth again mama, just in different ways than physical. We hold them in our hearts and feel when they are making their presence known.
Savor those moments. Those moments are memories your child is still making with you. Memories that no picture can capture and maybe only you will see, but they will stay with you until you are physically with your precious child again.

~ ~ ~
Christine Russo is a wife to an amazing, supportive husband, and a mommy to Angel Gianna Marie, and her little brother, Romeo. She carried Gianna after receiving a fatal diagnosis halfway into her pregnancy. Through the love and spirit of their special daughter, who means the world to them, they wish to help support other families who have to say goodbye to a piece of their heart.


Unknown said...

I cannot imagine your pain. I hope your loving words bring peace to you and others who have suffered loss.

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