A Season of Sweet Memories

By Bethany Conkel

As I drove down the road today it was clear that here in the Midwest fall is upon us. Trees are starting to change color, the temperature is getting cool, and a sweet smell dances in the air.

I personally love fall in every way, but as the seasons change it is also a vivid reminder that time moves on.

This can be a harsh reality for those of us who continue to live life with a baby in our heart instead of in our arms. As the change of season greets you, perhaps you are also greeted by memories of your precious little one. Maybe you will celebrate your child’s birthday and heaven day during the fall. Or you might find yourself reliving a fond memory of being pregnant during this beautiful season. Perhaps you will find it difficult not to imagine picking out that Halloween costume for your sweet baby like you had hoped and planned on or watching your little one play in a pumpkin patch.

As these thoughts, feelings, and memories swirl inside your head, it can be difficult not to feel alone. Often, it is hard to explain how the change of seasons can trigger such strong emotions to those who have never experienced a loss directly. And, although it is good that others do not understand, it can make it difficult to connect, leaving a feeling of isolation.

But, Sweet Momma, I want you to reassure you, you are NOT ALONE! There are so very many of us who have walked this road. So very many of us who are experiencing similar feelings. So very many of us are reliving memories, or are grieving the loss of memories that will never be made. I urge you, please do not live in a place of isolation this fall. Instead, reach out to another loss momma. Share a cup of coffee or cider and remember your babies together. Open up that messaging tab in Facebook and shoot over a quick note to let another loss momma let you know you are thinking of her. Post a comment in a loss group and share what is on your heart. Let’s celebrate the memory of our babies together this fall instead of walking through this season alone.

This week is the start of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and although it is often used as a platform to tell the world about our babies, I think it is a way for us as loss moms to unite. So, my challenge for you this month is to connect with another loss momma in a new way. Form a new friendship and remember your sweet little ones together this fall. Embrace the memories you have, and maybe create new ones together in honor of your babies.

Together we are strong. Together we will can make this a beautiful season of sweet memories shared about the ones forever in our hearts.

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Bethany Conkel lives in Ohio and is married to her wonderful husband, Eric. She is the mommy to two amazing children – one who is in heaven, the other here on earth. Bethany carried her precious son, Amalya Nathaniel (meaning: “work of the Lord”, “given by God”) to term after receiving the diagnosis of anencephaly when she was 11 weeks pregnant. Amalya lived for 1 hour and 20 minutes before taking hold of the Lord’s hand. After he passed, his liver, pancreas, and whole body were donated to scientific research. Bethany has since created a website about neonatal organ, tissue, and whole body donation called Purposeful Gift to help other families explore the option of donation. She is also a certified Birth and Bereavement Doula through Stillbirthday.com and serves with Sufficient Grace Ministries