The Fatal Diagnosis

by Heather Kimble

Driving to our baby’s 20 week anatomy scan was not exciting for me. I remember telling my husband, “I just want to hear the baby’s heartbeat.” I remember being terrified to lose the baby as soon as I found out I was pregnant, so I just became fixated on just wanting to hear her heartbeat.  I had no idea there was this world of an in-between called fatal diagnosis in utero. I thought babies were either miscarried, very few were stillborn, most were born alive and healthy, or some had special needs (like down syndrome for example).

Sitting in the room as the nurse started to scan was awkward. Something was just off and the silence was deafening. She pointed out very few features of our baby and as I looked I knew something didn’t look quite right. But then again what did I know? I might have been just looking at it wrong. I saw and hear our baby’s heartbeat so everything must be ok. The nurse scanned a little more then asked us the worst question we could hear, “Did you have genetic testing done?”  I quickly told her no we didn’t. She said she needed to get the Doctor and has she left the room she said, “I’m very sorry.” I immediately started keeping upset; why was she sorry?! I remember telling my husband and praying our baby would just have special needs because we were both ok with that outcome. Special needs didn’t diminish our baby’s value.

The doctor came in and proceeded to do the ultrasound herself. After a few minutes she stopped and turned to us. I can’t remember everything she said, but I remember enough of it. “We want to give you the best baby possible.” This is my baby regardless of what’s wrong; she’s the best to me! “Even if your baby survives to birth as soon as the umbilical cord is cut your baby will die, because of her underdeveloped lungs.” So my baby isn’t worth fighting for? Isn’t worth spending time with her? “Your baby most likely has Turner Syndrome.” What’s Turner Syndrome? I had never heard of it. There must be something that can be done. Also, I can’t remember if you used the word baby or fetus. I think she might have used both. I hate the word fetus because of how it’s used.

I was in complete shock. My husband and I went to the car and I just cried. It didn’t feel real. It couldn’t be real. This can’t be happening, not to me; not to our baby. I was helpless and left with nothing. I had no idea what the next step was. I was given no resources.

My protective instincts grew enormously. I had to protect her. Terminating her was not an option.

I knew I would carry her with love.

~ ~ ~

Heather Kimble lives in the Philadelphia area. She is married to her best friend, Jason and is mommy to Hannah Sue Kimble. Hannah is her only child. Heather carried Hannah after receiving a fatal diagnosis and was told to terminate. Heather was told to terminate based on the serious risk to her own personal health. She doesn't believe in termination and chose to carry Hannah with love. Hannah passed away and was born sleeping on December 23rd, 2013. Heather and Jason treasure every moment they had with Hannah during pregnancy and after delivery. Hannah has inspired a nonprofit started by her parents to help others and to help break the silence by sharing their journey of baby loss.
Heather is the Co-Founder and President of the 501(c)(3) non-profit Hannah’s Heart and Love. Hannah’s Heart and Love was inspired by their daughter Hannah to help others and to help break the silence of baby loss. 

hannahsheartandlove.org 
facebook.com/hannahsheartnlove
twitter @hannahheartlove
instagram @hannahsheartnlove

Hannah’s Heart and Love

by Heather Kimble

Today I’m going to share a little bit about the non-profit I started, along with my husband, called Hannah’s Heart and Love. But before I get into that, I want to share a little bit of our story leading up to the start of Hannah’s Heart and Love.

At our baby’s routine 20 week anatomy scan it was discovered that our baby had many different anomalies and was instantly labeled “incompatible with life.” We were told that we should terminate our baby asap. Termination was suggested because of the health risks to me. However, we refused because we do not believe in termination. We chose to carry our baby for as long as she lived and I was physically able to.

Our baby was carried with nothing but love. We cherish the short time we had with her. On December 23^rd, 2013 our daughter, Hannah, was born still in her 24^th week. She weighed just 1lb 3oz and was 10in long.

After Hannah passed away, my husband and I both knew we wanted to do something in Hannah’s honor to help other baby loss families. We weren't sure exactly what that should be, but we knew God would guide, direct, and give us an answer. And He did. The answer was given in February 2014 and by October 2014 Hannah’s Heart and Love was officially a 501(c)(3) non-profit.

The mission of Hannah’s Heart and Love is to provide resources, support, and items to moms, dads, and families that have lost a baby through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, and infant death. Hannah’s Heart and Love also provides resources, support, and items to moms that choose to carry their baby after receiving a fatal in utero diagnosis. Hannah’s Heart and Love wants to raise awareness and educate the community about baby loss through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, and infant death.

Here are the services Hannah’s Heart and Love currently offers:

Resources – Offering an extensive list of resources for all types of baby loss and carrying to term including keepsakes, websites, funeral memorial help, ideas for pregnancy and after birth, websites, books, songs, versus, blog posts from baby loss families, and more helping moms, dads, and families of baby loss navigate through this heartbreaking journey.

Support (Local) – Creating a safe space for moms and dads of baby loss to come together in order to express their feelings in an understanding and judgment free environment. Providing a local sense of community that promotes healthy grieving and mourning. Sharing and creating local in-person events for moms, dads, and families of baby loss, as well as, including the local community to raise awareness.

Support (Worldwide) – Providing information about online and in-person support groups for moms, dads, and families of baby loss. Sharing information about events that are happening within the baby loss community, both online and in-person, that promote healing.

Recovery Boxes – Supplying recovery boxes to moms of baby loss that focus both on her physical and emotional needs. These recovery boxes are providing a sense of comfort and let these moms know that they are not alone. Items including in these recovery boxes include candles, pads, tissues, snacks, books on baby loss, and much more.

In addition to these services my husband and I also speak at various events and to groups. We share our personal story, information about Hannah’s Heart and Love, and bring awareness and education. 

We have met many women who have a friend, sister, or relative lose their baby. These women were not only heartbroken for their friend, sister, or relative, but were desperate to know how to be supportive and not cause any unintentional pain and hurt.  At every speaking engagement we provide a packet for each attendee. Included in this packet are resources on how and what to say to a bereaved mom and dad. We also include an article on the rights of a bereaved mom and dad. We put together a short video about baby loss that we show attendees at these events and online.

   

 It is our hope and prayer this video helps others really begin to understand how devastating the loss of a baby truly is. We are so honored and grateful to the parents who shared the images of their precious babies for this video

Through something tragic God can create good things and we wanted to use our journey of baby loss to help others. Our daughter Hannah was only here for a short time but she has inspired so much good.

 ~ ~ ~

Heather Kimble lives in the Philadelphia area. She is married to her best friend, Jason and is mommy to Hannah Sue Kimble. Hannah is her only child. Heather carried Hannah after receiving a fatal diagnosis and was told to terminate. Heather was told to terminate based on the serious risk to her own personal health. She doesn't believe in termination and chose to carry Hannah with love. Hannah passed away and was born sleeping on December 23rd, 2013. Heather and Jason treasure every moment they had with Hannah during pregnancy and after delivery. Hannah has inspired a nonprofit started by her parents to help others and to help break the silence by sharing their journey of baby loss.

Heather is the Co-Founder and President of the 501(c)(3) non-profit Hannah’s Heart and Love. Hannah’s Heart and Love was inspired by their daughter Hannah to help others and to help break the silence of baby loss.

www.hannahsheartandlove.org www.facebook.com/hannahsheartnlove twitter @hannahheartlove instagram @hannahsheartnlove

You Are Not Alone

by Heather Kimble

You are pregnant. You may have a wide range of feelings like excitement, fear, love etc. This baby may have been planned or a surprise. Regardless of your individual personal feelings and how much planning went into having a baby, you are here and adjusting to this new exciting journey. There are so many resources, groups, and others moms that are right in front of you just waiting to help and offer support through your pregnancy. 

Sometimes you want the advice and other times you would rather just find out on your own.  But in the end the simple fact remains that support is everywhere and you don’t need to go too far to find it. 

But then it happens. You hear the words that you never expected to hear, your baby is "incompatible with life". Right away the doctor suggests termination, because even if your baby is born alive they will only live for a few moments, a few hours, or - by a miracle -days. You’re in shock. You keep telling yourself this cannot be happening. In this fog of shock and denial you are not told that there is a whole community of support for choosing to keep your baby as long as you physically can. 

Suddenly, all of the resources, groups, and other moms start to back away. The support you had when it was thought you were having a healthy baby is nowhere to be found. You are left alone. You have no idea what to do next. Where do I go from here? You feel utterly alone and lost. 

I want you to know that you are not alone. There are still resources, groups, and other moms who are here to offer you support and love. I know that the support is not out in the open and I am so sorry for that, but please do not give up; you do not have to go through this alone.  There is a small close group of moms and dads, within the baby loss community, that chose to carry their precious babies for as long as they could with nothing but love.  You are free to share your story, fears, hopes, dreams, ask questions, vent, share resources you found, show off your beautiful baby, and so much more!

I am personally forever grateful for the community of women who also carried their babies after receiving a fatal diagnosis.  We have each experienced hearing the words, “incompatible with life,” but still our individual journeys are different and unique in many ways.  

Please take advantage of the All That Love Can Do website. Take time to go through the various blog posts, resources (more below), and private facebook groups. Samuel's mama has done such a beautiful job putting together such an amazing resource and safe haven for our community. 

We all chose life for our precious babies, no matter how short of time or whether any of that time was spent outside the womb or not. We treasure each moment forever.

You are not alone. 

~ ~ ~

Heather Kimble lives in the Philadelphia area. She is married to her best friend, Jason and is mommy to Hannah Sue Kimble. Hannah is her only child. Heather carried Hannah after receiving a fatal diagnosis and was told to terminate. Heather was told to terminate based on the serious risk to her own personal health. She doesn't believe in termination and chose to carry Hannah with love. Hannah passed away and was born sleeping on December 23rd, 2013. Heather and Jason treasure every moment they had with Hannah during pregnancy and after delivery. Hannah has inspired a nonprofit started by her parents to help others and to help break the silence by sharing their journey of baby loss. Visit her blog, Hannah's Heart and Love, and follow her page on Facebook. 

Here are some resources I personally used:

Books:

A gift of time

Songs:

I will carry you

Praise you in this storm 

Websites:

All That Love Can Do

Perinatal Hospice

Stillbirthday

Here I Am: Grief and Mourning

by Heather Kimble

Here I am. I made it a year. 

I’m still broken inside. I’m still hurting. I’m still grieving.

There are good days and there are days I don’t even want to function. And you know what? That’s ok. I’m surviving without my daughter and that itself is an accomplishment. 

I haven’t let Hannah’s death control my every waking moment. However, it now is part of who I am.

If there is one thing I have learned over the first year of living without Hannah, it’s that I will not allow people to dictate how I grieve and mourn. I don’t care what others may think (which is completely not like me).

That’s what I want to share with you today: Don’t let others dictate how you grieve and mourn your baby(s).

It’s so important to do what heals you (The exceptions are turning to drugs and alcohol. Please don’t, they only numb the pain. The pain will always be there waiting for you in the end). There is absolutely NO time limit. This is something that will be with all of us for the rest of our lives. You may choose to keep it close to you, while another mom may choose to share her journey very publicly. Neither is wrong and there are many variations in between.

Just to give a brief definition, grief is the feeling of being said and mourning is expressing that sadness.

Feelings of Grief:

~ Anger
~ Denial and Isolation
~ Bargaining
~ Depression
~ Acceptance

Examples of Expressions of Grief (Mourning):

~ Celebrating your baby’s birthday (with a party, simply a cake, etc)

~ Honoring/Remembering your baby on their due date (balloon release, dinner with family, paying it forward, etc)

~ Raising money or collecting donations for a non-profit in memory of your baby

~ Creating a slideshow of your pregnancy and baby

~ Including your baby’s picture, blanket, stuffed animal, etc. in family pictures

~ Purchase a “coming home” outfit

~ Purchase "first" outfits and/or items (example: first 4th of July outfit, first pair of sunglasses, first Christmas dress, etc.)

~ Purchase the first 12 months stickers and first 12 months outfits (example: 1 month sticker with a pink onesie size 0-3 months, 3 month sticker with a flower onesie size 3-6 months, etc.)

~ Create artwork  that captures your feelings

There are many ways you can choose to express your grief. Please also know that it’s never too late to start mourning your baby. There is no set time frame to express your grief.

The way we each choose to mourn is a person decision and journey. What are some ways you have chosen to express your grief?

Love Always,
Heather

~ ~ ~

Heather Kimble lives in the Philadelphia area. She is married to her best friend, Jason and is mommy to Hannah Sue Kimble. Hannah is her only child. Heather carried Hannah after receiving a fatal diagnosis and was told to terminate. Heather was told to terminate based on the serious risk to her own personal health. She doesn't believe in termination and chose to carry Hannah with love. Hannah passed away and was born sleeping on December 23rd, 2013. Heather and Jason treasure every moment they had with Hannah during pregnancy and after delivery. Hannah has inspired a nonprofit started by her parents to help others and to help break the silence by sharing their journey of baby loss. Visit her blog, Hannah's Heart and Love, and follow her page on Facebook. 

Letters to Hannah, Gianna, Amalya, and Samuel

The following letters are a part of our Love Letter series. To learn more, click HERE. To read all the letters in this series, click HERE. 

Letter to Hannah, from Heather Kimble

Dear Hannah,

Words can't even begin to express how much I love you. You were such a blessing to me and you continue to be. I can't imagine never having you at all. I cherish the short time I had with you. I wouldn't trade you for the world. I wouldn't change my journey if it meant never having you at all. I'm honored to be your Mommy. 

You are beautiful and perfect in every way. So tiny, so small. You had your Daddy's and mine hair color and your lips were just like mine. 

You are loved and always will be. You only knew love on this earth. You were born into the arms of God knowing true unconditional love. I pray that He tells you about your Daddy and I. That He tells you how much we love and miss you. That he tells you that you will always be our sweet Baby Girl. 

Love You Forever. 

Love Always,

Mommy

Letter to Gianna, from Christine Russo

My dear Gianna bear,

Happy first Valentines day to mommy's sweet angel! I would love to wake you up on valentine's morning with a long cuddle and a hundred kisses for you my big 11 month old. You opened mommy and daddy's hearts more than either of us could have ever imagined and made us both want to be better people. You are such an incredible little girl who has changed our lives forever. I would carry and birth you a hundred times over my sweet angel. We love you more and more each passing day and we count the minutes till we can hold your sweet little body again and kiss those cheeks..love and miss you with all I have

Love, mommy

Letter to Amalya, from Bethany Conkel

Dear Amalya Nathaniel –

Although your time with us was short, and some may say it is not even worth counting, let me assure you my sweet boy, your impact is felt DAILY. You have touched the hearts and lives of many. Your existence has brought about change for future babies. You did so much in your short time her. I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am of you. But, sweetie, I also want you to know, I do not love you for the things you have accomplished or the lives have touched. I love you because you are MINE. You were gifted to me and I am so thankful. I love you for being you. I have loved you from the time I knew you were inside me and I will love you until I no longer have breath in me. You have changed me in so many ways and I am so very glad you were placed in my life. Although I wish we could have spent more time together, I am grateful for the time we had. It was more than enough to for you to be forever imprinted on my heart. You will forever be my little boy, my firstborn, my son, my world-changer.

With all my Love, Mommy

Letter to Samuel, from RaeAnne and Bryan Fredrickson

Dear Samuel, 

Our dear sweet boy, we miss you so much! You are our special little guy, and we think of you every day. Our lives are not complete without you here. We are so proud of you! From early on we knew you were a fighter, and you certainly showed us how strong you were. You were so brave! We'll never understand why you couldn't stay. 

We wish with all our wishes you could have stayed. 

We'll hold you tight in our hearts until we can hold you in our arms again.

We love you forever! We can't wait to give you thousands of loves and kisses!

Love, always,
Mama and Daddy

~ ~ ~

There are more letters to come! If you would like to share a Love Letter to your baby, there's still time! Click HERE to learn how to participate.

12 Days of Christmas: Day Eight

Welcome to Day Eight of the All That Love Can Do 12 Days of Christmas! You can read all about this online event HERE. If you'd like to catch up on all the posts from this event, you can find them HERE. 

Facing the holidays without your baby, or when you know your baby's life is going to be short, is overwhelmingly hard. Please, above all else, be gentle with yourself. 

If you'd like to connect with other loss families facing the holidays without their children, you can join the private group on Facebook, HERE. 

We hope you find peace and healing in the days to come <3.

~ ~ ~

Day Eight

by Heather Kimble

This is technically our second Christmas without Hannah. Hannah was born on December 23rd, 2013 and we came home from the hospital on Christmas Day. In addition to losing Hannah in December, we also received the devastating news on December 5th, 2013 that she wouldn’t live.  

I used to love Christmas, and in one way I still do because it is the celebration of the birth of Jesus, but to be honest, that’s the extent on my love and joy for Christmas this year. Last year, even though I knew the terrible truth, I had Hannah alive leading up to Christmas. That was much different than Christmas day 2013 and this year’s Christmas season. There are so many emotions. So many hopes and dreams that are shattered; Christmas seems to just highlight that reality.

I’m going to separate this into three parts based on how things unfolded for my husband and me.

Carrying Hannah to Term (December 5th- 22nd, 2013): 

• We went to visit and get our family picture taken with Santa Claus. ]

• We had a 3D ultrasound done and put Hannah’s heartbeat in 3 stuffed animals. We gave each of our mothers one (we let them choose the animal).
• I baked and made goodies with my husband and mom. I made sure to eat those special Christmas goodies so Hannah could taste them too.

• We watched our favorite Christmas movies with Hannah (Frosty, Mickey’s A Christmas Carol, Rudolph, etc.).
• For the first time, my husband and I put up and decorated a real Christmas tree in our home.

• We got special ornaments for Hannah.

• We got books for Hannah as presents for Christmas (Pat the Bunny, The Night Before Christmas, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, and 3 Little Critter books).
• Decided to make Hannah her own special and custom Christmas stocking, just like my great grandmother made for me.

• Watched a Christmas parade and enjoyed hot chocolate with Hannah.

• We even enjoyed Christmas shopping with her.

Our first Christmas without Hannah (December 23rd, 2013 – January 1st, 2014 when we were in the hospital and first week at home):

• We read to Hannah the book, The Night Before Christmas, in the hospital.
• We took a family picture with Hannah and the heartbeat giraffe in the hospital.

• We put the books we got her for Christmas under the tree along with her special ornament.

• I made Hannah’s Christmas stocking.(I've created a tutorial below so you can make your baby a special stocking).

The current Christmas season:

• Put Hannah’s name on her Christmas stocking and hang it with the rest of my family’s.
• Try my best to enjoy the Christmas season for Hannah.
• Get a family picture taken with Santa Claus and include Hannah by bringing Hannah’s heartbeat giraffe.
• Buy Hannah her first doll and stroller.
• Put up and decorate a small, real Christmas tree in our home.
• Put up a small, real Christmas tree at Hannah’s grave.
• Decorate Hannah’s grave with Christmas items.
• Give a frame to family of Hannah’s retouched photo as a gift.
• Light a Christmas votive for Hannah on her birthday through New Year’s Day.
• Take a family picture with Hannah’s heartbeat giraffe on Christmas Day.

I pray that in some way my words and ideas can bring you hope and comfort. I am praying for you and sending all of my love to you, especially during this Christmas season. May it be gentle and filled with love.

DIY Christmas Stocking

You will need:
A stocking
Scissors
Needle and thread (in matching colors to your decoration pieces)
Decorations
Glue (that will work on felt/fabric)
Fabric/felt (in your choice of colors and prints)

1. Decide how you would like your baby’s stocking to look. I just kept Hannah’s Christmas and giraffes.
2. Find patches, lace trim, appliqués, felt in colors/prints, and other decorative items you like.
3. Before attaching your items, place them on the stocking to make sure you like the overall look.
4. Start attaching you pieces to the stocking, start with the larger pieces first.
5. Sew or attach your baby’s name at the top of their stocking.
6. If you have to use glue, make sure to let it dry and set on a flat surface.
7. You’re all finished and your baby’s stocking was made with nothing but love.

~ ~ ~

Heather Kimble lives in the Philadelphia area. She is married to her best friend, Jason and is mommy to Hannah Sue Kimble. Hannah is her only child. Heather carried Hannah after receiving a fatal diagnosis and was told to terminate. Heather was told to terminate based on the serious risk to her own personal health. She doesn't believe in termination and chose to carry Hannah with love. Hannah passed away and was born sleeping on December 23rd, 2013. Heather and Jason treasure every moment they had with Hannah during pregnancy and after delivery. Hannah has inspired a nonprofit started by her parents to help others and to help break the silence by sharing their journey of baby loss. Visit her blog, Hannah's Heart and Love, and follow her page on Facebook.