On Mother's Day

by Jenna Gassew

This Mother’s Day seems to be a tease. After losing my son in October, I find myself tortured by the holidays that pass. It’s one of those days that should be filled with holiday spirit, friends, and family, but the reality is it is just another day to remind me of his passing. I wish more than anything people would bring him up, or ask to see a picture, but I realize child-loss is one of those taboo topics many people don't discuss. I am not quite sure why because after losing my son, I realized it was more of a reality for people than most thought. I often find myself feeling lost in the world where moms clean up bottles, change diapers, and are running on three hours of sleep. I am lost because those roles are not a part of my everyday routine. My role as a mother now is to visit my son daily at his resting place, decorate his spot for certain holidays he celebrates in heaven, and plan events to create awareness for the fatal birth defect, Anencephaly, that took him from me. I wondered if some people would even consider me a “mom” since my son passed, but then I realized while my arms are empty, my heart is so full of the love I have for my son, and that is what being a mom is all about.

To the Mom’s whose arms are empty this Mother’s Day:

Because of you, my world changed for the better

Because of you, we became a family

Because of you, my life plans became our life plans

Because of you, I did everything for a reason

Because of you, my body changed into a beauty I never knew

Because of you, my body carried not one, but two heartbeats

Because of you, I got to look true love in the eye

Because of you, I cried tears of joy

Because of you, I held the whole entire world in my arms only to say goodbye shortly after

Because of you, I was strong when you had to leave me

Because of you, I learned the value of life is not measured in time

Because of you, I held an angel

Because of you, I am a mom

To my son:

Momma loves you so much. Happy seven months in heaven! We miss you more than you will ever know.

~ ~ ~

Jenna Gassew is from outside Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She is a graduate of Rosemont College with a degree in Mathematics. She is the mother to a beautiful little boy in heaven, Shane Michael Haley. Shane was diagnosed with Anencephaly at 13 weeks gestation. Jenna and Shane’s father, Dan, decided to create a bucket-list on which they took Shane to various places such as Phillies games, New York City, and Ocean City, Maryland. Shane was born October 9, 2014 and lived for four precious hours where he spent his whole life loved. She continues to bring awareness to Anencephaly in honor of her son. More about Jenna, Dan, and Shane’s journey can be found on  their face book page, “Prayers for Shane.”