Letters to Bennet, Sadie, Lucas, Layla, and Isabella

The following letters are a part of our Love Letter series. To learn more, click HERE. To read all the letters in this series, click HERE. 

Letter to Bennet, from Joy Bornstein

My Bennet,

I miss you so much.A missing that is a physical ache.
For your beautiful round cheeks.
The dark soft hair you got from your Daddy.
Your eyes, that I'm sure were his, too, though you could never open them for me.
Your toes and fingers, so perfect and tiny.
Your little button nose and heart-shaped lips. 
Your face so like your big brother's, but very uniquely YOU.
I long to hear you cry. Laugh. Breath.
To rock you to sleep. To dance with you and your big brother again, like I did while you still grew in me. 
And sing "I'll love you forever" and kiss you goodnight, smoothing back your dark, beautiful hair.
We wonder who you'd be, what you'd be like.
We miss you so much, baby boy, your Daddy and me.
And love you always.
I miss you in such a painful and intense way. Today has been 9 weeks since you were born and died, and today is your due date.
I see mothers carrying their babies around, and in effort to fill my empty hands I fumble with your initials around my neck, consoling myself. I try to remember even if you aren't visible like these other babies, needing your baby carrier and to be comforted by the breast, you are still here- within my heart. It's not enough. 
I want you sweet girl....I want to see who you are at 2 and at 5 and at 14 and at 30. I know I can't. But I will spend every day wishing things had been different. 
All my love,
Mom

Letter to Sadie, from her Mommy

Dear Sadie,

I miss you in such a painful and intense way. Today has been 9 weeks since you were born and died, and today is your due date.

I see mothers carrying their babies around, and in effort to fill my empty hands I fumble with your initials around my neck, consoling myself. I try to remember even if you aren't visible like these other babies, needing your baby carrier and to be consoled by the breast, you are still here- within my heart. It's not enough. 

I want you sweet girl....I want to see who you are at 2 and at 5 and at 14 and at 30. I know I can't. But I will spend every day wishing things had been different. 

I love you so much it hurts, & I'm proud of you my beautiful, peaceful, sweet, silent daughter. I ache for you now and always.

Letter to  Lucas, from Beccy New

To my gorgeous son, Lucas

I have been putting off writing this letter to you, because I am not sure how to say everything in just one letter. It is over 3 years since I held you for the first and last time. I remember thinking maybe if I held you long enough you would prove the doctors wrong and rally. That maybe my skin would warm you and stop you being so very cold. I held you for 7 hours until your strong brave heart finally stopped beating and I wish I could have that time again. I would tell you all about your older sister, your twin brother and your newest baby brother. I would make sure your big sister got to meet you. I would make sure your grandparents and aunts and uncle got to meet you. I would tell you you will always be part of our family and one day I will find and hold you again. I would tell you to run, laugh, love and be kind, wherever you were going next. I would tell you I was so very sorry I couldn't protect you as you deserved. I would tell you you were taking a piece of my heart with you and that you were always in mine.

We all feel your loss gorgeous boy, but you will always be part of our family and we love you and try to honour you by living and loving, until we meet again. 

I love you, little lionheart
Mummy xxx
Letter to Layla, from Racheal Mutter

Dear Layla,

I'm not sure where to begin. It's been 11 months since you went to be with Jesus. In these past 11 months, my whole world did a 360. I've never in my life imagined that I would be a horrible statistic. I never imagined living my life every day, without one of my children. But, I'm here. I'm in this surreal tragic world now. Every day I open my eyes I think of you, and when I close them I hope to dream of you. I'm very passionate about telling people your story, and spreading awareness for the disorder that took you from me! Every single day, I relive the pain. Every memory box I make, I picture me being wheeled out of that hospital holding yours instead of you. Everywhere I go, I include you somehow whether it be wearing a little light blue awareness ribbon on my shirt, or wearing smeared makeup and bags under my eyes from crying. Every thing I do, you're included. I wish I could touch you one last time. I wish I could smell your sweet scent and kiss you. I want to tell you one more time, just how much I love you.

I've tried very hard to make your legacy known and so far, I think I'm doing a pretty good job. Many days, I cringe when someone messages me to inquire about a box, or other memorial things I make in your honor. I cringe because that's one more mommy that feels the pain I feel. One more mommy who will never get to hold their baby in this world. 

You've made mommy into a whole new person sweetheart. You have mommy a new relationship with God, you helped me to see the true colors of the world. You gave me the courage to reach out and help someone in the situation I am in now. Above all, you my love, gave me a daughter. You have your brothers a baby sister and your daddy, you have him a little princess. I am so proud of you Layla, for holding on and fighting for your life for 34 weeks. Many times, I cursed God, for not giving me a single minute to look in your eye and tell you I love you. He just took you from me! How selfish I was, to be angry that I didn't get the satisfaction of knowing you outside of my womb. If I would have gotten that wish, you would have suffered. You would have felt pain, and you would have had to gasp for air as you slipped off into the arms of angels. As much as I wanted to look into those beautiful blue eyes of yours and look deep into your soul, I'm okay with not being able to. I'm okay with God being the first thing you seen when your little eyes opened. I'm okay with God being the first thing you seen when your little eyes opened. I'm okay that he saved you from pain, and me and daddy from the agony of having to see you suffer. 

Layla Rae, I love you all the way to the stars and back a million gazillion times over. You have a piece of my heart up there in Heaven with you my little warrior, so keep it safe for me because I'm going to come to Heaven one day, and I'm going to get that piece of my heart back! Butterfly kisses my sweet little girl.
~Mommy

Letter to Isabella, from Emily Rodríguez Quirós de Victoria

Dear Isabella Sofia, my most precious gift, my beloved little girl, my only child;

Before I met you, I thought I had everything, and I needed of nothing. When I met you I knew happiness was having you in my arms, I knew that finally I had everything, and now I know I only needed you, since you fulfilled all the dreams I ever had. 

Baby girl, although you fell asleep in God arms unexpectedly I want you to know that you are the most precious gift I have ever receive. Your little short life gave me strength and now all I want to do is to make you proud. Daddy and I love you so much, your little cousins always talk about you and how much they love you. Your grandparents miss you so much, and we feel we're drowning from time to time. Some other times we know we have to keep on strong, faithful and hopeful to reach you whenever it's our time. Daddy and I want to tell you thank you, because you make our dream come true, you're everything we ever wanted and knowing you're now an angel hurts us very much but make us so proud because you got further than us, because you were so big you accomplished your mission way before we could accomplished our. 

Thank you for all your love, we love you and miss you every single second of our lives!